First and foremost, I am not German nor do I speak it, but I did look up the German translation of gummy bears just so you know. I eagerly awaited the day to get my new gummy bear implants or also known as Natrelle 410 - Mentor CPG Cohesive Silicone Gel. Basically they are solid silicone, they are not filled with any liquid and the chances of them leaking are impossible because they again they are solid silicone gel.
Since these implants are only used by four (4) hospitals in the United States, the Cleveland Clinic one of them, I was put it what they call a 'clinical trial'. Meaning that I had to meet with a spokes person who worked for the clinic but was knowledgeable and trained in the companies clinical trial through the clinic. In order to proceed you need to fill out paper work. The paper work is really involved in terms of the emotional side to getting implants both physically and mentally. They ask you questions about your relationships with your friends and your spouse. There are no commitments of course, you can back out at any time, however, you may want to let your physician know before you have the procedure done. Completing the paperwork for me was emotional, because it was as though they were asking me everything I had in my head but never said out loud or put down on paper. Like 'will you feel better about your appearance once you have your implants?', 'will feel sexier to your spouse and want to be more intimate', etc. I answered them honestly and then cried again.
My tears quickly were dry when I heard that I was going to be paid for this clinical trial. It's not much but getting that 'boobie' check as I call it helps when your short on cash. I figured I wanted to be one of many at the Cleveland Clinic to do this, that way if there was ever a time where someone wanted my opinion regarding the implants, I could give it to them honestly.
There are times when hospitals just have such perfect timing and other times when their timing stinks. My surgery was scheduled 5 days before my 39th birthday. I wanted to of course celebrate my birthday in some fashion or another but what, I had not thought it out. I figured that maybe just meeting up with friends was a good idea and eating dinner was the way to go. So the day came to get my gummy bear implants in, I was happy because the expanders were really uncomfortable. At times I had a pinching feeling and going for fillings was just getting old really fast.
In order for the doctor to make sure everything is straight, he drew on me with his purple marker, very typical in hospitals, as though he was mapping out his quest. A quest for breasts as I called it. My sense of humor is warped, I know. So one minute of course I was chit chatting and the next I do not remember. The surgery took 2 hours long and I was home by the afternoon. The next day however, I was really sore in fact the next few days I was sore, but pain killers were my best friend.
The disappointment came when I looked down and saw that my nipples were crooked. This gets fixed later on, in light of the fact that naturally the skin must relax and return to it's natural state as it has been pulled in all sorts of directions. I was happy all in all with the results, I felt more confident, I was able to fit in clothing better and the best part, NO BRA! Yes that I was said, I do not have to wear a bra. I wear a tank top under my tops and dresses or I wear nipple covers. It helps and saves me money on those bras that cost $32.00 and over. Since I told my girlfriends I no longer have to wear a bra, I get called all sorts of various names the best one I like is, bitch. I get the look and then get called a bitch while at the same time they are jealous of me. I always say, well I would not have gotten this way if I didn't have cancer remember!
I got to celebrate my 39th birthday with some friends for dinner and it was great to be sort of free of all this boob and cancer talk after the past year. The night was great, unfortunately I no longer speak to some of the people that were there, but I will always be grateful for the time they were in my life, it really helped me get through this process.
Tomorrow: Pointing East-N-West
No comments:
Post a Comment