Later that week I had a follow up with the doctor, routine no big deal. One of my best friends, William, drove me to the appointment. I went in the waiting room, thinking I was going to go in and out. William says to me ‘it’s not a good sign when everyone else is going ahead of you.’ That did not sit well with me at all of course, remember the food incident? The nurse calls me back, we chat, everyone is friendly and I am just happy to rid of the papilloma. I notice the nurse is not as chatty as she was when we first met, maybe she’s having a bad day or maybe she knows something about me that is not good? There goes my mind again! I tell myself, your fine, everything is ok you know that.’ Dr. D. comes in and she tells me ‘we have some shocking news.’ What? She continues “we found some cancer.” What? Ever have one of those slow motion moments? I have heard about them from other people but never thought I’d experience one. Some? what is some?! Like you have some food in the corner of mouth?
I feel the tears running down my face I started to breathe heavily and look at her and say ‘am I going to die?’ She looks at me and says “well unless you plan on going out into the street and get hit by a bus, no, your not going to die.” I ask through my heavy breathing and tears, ‘will I loose my hair’ I have always been about vanity, I need to know. There is the possibility of shopping for wigs or scraves or do I bring back the Sinead O'Connor look? So much to think about and do! Finally coming up from the wall of tears, Dr. D. says ‘no I don’t think so.’ She continues, “you have a very low slow grade boob cancer that old ladies get when their 82.” What? Old ladies, 82 years of age? Is this really happening to me? I have old lady boob cancer! Perfect, does that make me a Golden Girl?? Do I have to apply for an AARP card? Dr. D. then explains my options, but who could think of options when I was just told I had cancer! She then tells me they found two tumors that were 3mm and 2mm. Never being good at the metric system, I ask her to draw it. Just knowing it had been in me, then finding out how small they were and how I need to learn the metric system, I began crying again. By the now the poor doctor was trying to calm me down so she had William come in the room. If anyone knew what I was going through right now it was him! He has had enough bad news in his life, he could be a special on Anderson Cooper 360! There I am with the entire box of kleenex all over the place, snot running down my nose and feeling like I just had my heart ripped out of me. William simply says 'your going to be ok' yeah when did you get your medical license! The doctor chimes in, 'he's right.'
I pulled myself together and walk out with my head barely hanging on to my neck. I had to schedule an MRI to make sure it didn't spread. The assistants' at the desk are old enough to be my children. I tell them I need to schedule an MRI. They both look at me like I speak another language. William asks if there was anyway to do it at the main campus. The two assistants' shake their heads at me and before I could begin cursing and choking them, William, says firmly 'call now please'. I remembered I had to call my husband and someone else...who...oh yes my mom! She would like to know I am sure seeing as I am her child and all. It helps to have friends who have connections and can get to people faster. I had my husband paged and he called me. I told him what happened, he said 'I am coming home, I will meet you at home'. I barely dialed my mom, her initial response was 'WHAT WHAT WHAT' I replied "please stop saying WHAT! your not deaf!" She did what any mother would do cry and tell me how much she loved me. We all met up at the house and decided on a plan. There was no way I was going to work, I'd be a mess. First, I needed a drink and food, mostly a drink, darn if I did not have anything in the house! I then decided we needed to get some food and drink. So we decide on PF Changs and had the most expensive lunch probably known to man but worth every penny! The waiter must of thought we were nuts but we didn't care, it was happy hour somewhere!
The next day, I decided to join The Susan G. Komen Foundation. Seeing as I was part of a group now, why not! So I joined and signed up for the message boards. I introduced myself not using my real name as though that made some sort of difference. I got some really nice replies and one lady who kept trying to sell me her juice powder. She kept emailing me and telling me it would be the only thing that would save my life. Then I got one response that stood out 'Welcome to the club that you never wanted to join' I then decided that maybe this will be a group that I visit once a year. God Bless those women but it was so overwhelming I couldn't visit daily.
Tomorrow: Decisions, Decisions Decisions
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