Divorce: The legal dissolution of a marriage. A complete or radical severance of closely connected things. The first part of this meaning pertains to people, the second part pertains to inanimate objects. It never occurred to me that one day I would take part in the ritual of severing ties with a part of my body that society has defined women for centuries. Everyone has something they do not like about themselves, nose is too big, hips to wide, big feet, eyes too far apart or close together, hair not curly enough, for me it was always my boobs. I was tall, long legs and curly hair what more can a girl ask for, lopsided boobs were my issue. If I were a piece of wood with a leveler on me, that liquid would burst!
I took my new found decision and wanted to yell it out to everyone! Take out a billboard like Judy Holiday's character did in 'It Should Happen to You'! Sadly I couldn't afford a billboard so I decided phone calls would suffice. Several responses were 'WHAT!!!!' 'Are you crazy?' 'Shouldn't you think this over for a while?' 'This is not the way to go' 'You go girl!!!' 'Do it!!!!' I could understand people's reservations, but it was my body and my disease, I be damned if someone was going to stop me! You see when you are diagnosed with a disease, it becomes your responsibility to handle it as you see fit. It's your right, it's your body, no one can do it for you. Sure you can get advice, weigh all the pros and cons. I did the 'pros and cons' list, the pros won!
A week later I had a follow up doctor's appointment to go over my options since it went so well earlier, mine as well make sure we are both on the same page. Dr. D. walked in, ready with her 'options packets' and I looked at her before she could say one syllable and simply said 'Chop them off!' Dr. D. looked at me and said 'ok! I don't blame you, I would do the same if I had the same diagnosis.' She explained that I would have to meet with a plastic surgeon, that the surgery would take at least 6-8 hours and that recovery would be 6-8 weeks depending on the type of implant I wanted. I didn't know there were options with implants, I always assumed there was one kind, but not at the Clinic, it was the Cleveland Clinic after all, world renowned, I had options! Dr. D. further indicated that I would not need radiation due to the fact that I only had Stage 1 breast cancer and it was found in one area of the breast which was not growing. I was going to have to possibly take tamoxifen or some other therapy drug, but that would be up to my oncologist. I was removing the right breast because I had calcification's in it and I figured why make the it jealous. If the left one is going down the right one is going with it!
Meeting a plastic surgeon for the first time can overwhelm a person. They are very straight forward, yet they do listen, however most already know what you need, it's just they want to hear it from you. So I was advised that I could do regular saline implants which are very common in breast reconstruction or I could do a clinical trial of gummy implants. "Gummy implants?!" I responded, you mean "like gummy bears?" My plastic surgeon nodded, yes. I thought no way! His assistant, Heather brought me in a sample. There were samples! I loved it! You could touch and feel them, like makeup or fabric! I was advised that the Cleveland Clinic was one of four hospitals in the United States to participate in the clinical trial of these implants. The gummy implants were very popular in Europe and women there loved them. Why not, if the Europeans loved them, so did I! I then asked a simply question, "Do they smell sweet? come in flavors?" My plastic surgeon roared! Of course I was kidding but hey I had to ask! I was given a packet on the implants, advised to read it carefully and let him know my final decision in a few days. I took the packet home, read it and surprisingly enough it was easy to understand. Could be that I deal with medical terms on a daily basis as a part of my job, but still I think anyone could understand what the risks were and the positive outweighed the risks. There were very little risks, no leakage, no breaking unless you decided to take a hammer to your chest but I didn't for see that being an issue. There was also another option of doing a TRAM Flap Breast Reconstruction, where they rebuild your breasts with other parts of your body, mainly your stomach and sometime buttock area. Unfortunately this did not sound appealing and there would be more than one surgery. I had to go through some testing such as the BRAC Analysis test to see if I was at high risk or just a person who got cancer. Fortunately I was just a person who got breast cancer as the rest of the population but I was still considered high risk. To this day, that makes no sense to me but I am not a medical professional. I guess it can be compared to someone who had a risky pregnancy with no previous medical issues and then they become high risk. The day I had the test done, the nurse gave me a box, a kit with everything that I needed, it was more like a couple of viles and instructions on where to send it. Actually I just gave the blood and then the nurse did the rest. I was scared of course, the nurse saw it and she began a prayer and gave me a huge hug. I have never seen her again to this day, but she made me feel better.
Before I could get the 'gummy implants', I had to have expanders in, these were implants that would be put in so that my skin could stretch out and my body could get used to a foreign object in my body. There is a magnet inserted in them, as you have to go in for 'fillings' of the saline. The magnet helps the doctor know where to insert the needle for your 'fillings'.
I met with the plastic surgeon and we scheduled the surgery for June 30, 2008. He then sent me for a photo shoot. Yes pictures for the hospital that they use in seminars and for learning. Fortunately I didn't need to worry about my makeup. I was going to be a 'before and after' model. The photography studio being in a hospital is silly but made sense if you thought about it. I did my shoot and was sent on my way. I was grateful and fortunate that my employer was really cool with this decision that I had made. It was uncomfortable and still is discussing my breast issues with them. One must understand, these are a group of men who cringe at the word 'tampon'. All in all they were awesome. I made arrangements for one of my co-workers' to do my job while I was out and I swore I would only be out a month. I read that the heavier a person is who goes through this surgery, has a longer recovery time. I was a semi-healthy weight so I figured I shouldn't be all that bad. I was excited and eager to get started, I just had to wait till June 30, 2008, patience was never my virtue. Before going through with the surgery, I had to have an EKG which was interesting being hooked up to all sorts of wires and go through the usual preop testing. I must of told every nurse at the hospital I came across what I was doing, again Judy Holiday! This decision was going to change my life for the better and I had to go with my gut instincts as my mother always taught me.
Tomorrow: The Day I Divorced My Boobs
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